you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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