Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
