Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
