I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
