and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
