Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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