I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
