Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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