I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
