Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
