the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
