yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
