even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
