I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
