Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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