oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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