I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
