i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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