I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
