Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
