We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
