your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
