I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
