Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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