i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
