i barfeds in our rink
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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