I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
