it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize