haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
