My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
