I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My breasts were aching with rage.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
