Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
