You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
