You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
