Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
