also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
