So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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