I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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