Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
