I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
