so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
