did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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