I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
