I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
