Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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