New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
