I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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