and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
