hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
