playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
